Visions

I remember everything. From the first time I saw you. Right after we introduced ourselves, I was sure it was you. I knew it, deep down. In my subconscious, I knew you had awakened something in me. 

Your smile, your eyes as clear as your aura, your voice… soft and cautious, nearly angelic. All of this, that energy of yours that emanated, the serenity you transmitted, almost something celestial, like your name, the name of an angel. 

And so I assumed… that you were an angel. When you smiled at me, when you looked at me, your eyes seemed to shine and adore me with all the affection. When you hugged me, your strong arms wrapped around me, your smell, so pleasant and comforting… Whenever we embraced each other, even if it was just a gesture of friendship, I never wanted to let go of your arms. 

I have rare and precious memories, like the day when you hugged me and lifted me from the ground, when we talked for hours in that garden where the river in front of us was the spectator of our… friendship.

I remember everything.

I remember the last time I hugged you, the last time I smiled with you, the last time we spoke, the last time we said goodbye with that warm hug and with your smile illuminating my day…

But after all that, you disappeared.

What was all of this? What was this feeling that I thought was hidden but present between us two? This affection that I felt you had for me?

Even though I did not have the courage to confess it, I thought you would be someone I could love, the angel that God had finally sent me. It would be you, I believed. You would be my guardian angel, my ideal, my love.

So, was it all a delusion of mine? These moments of ours, these memories, that now, looking back, I see it all happened so quickly… Was it all a video? After everything, the turns both of our lives took, it seems that nothing happened, it seems that it was all just visions…

Just like God did with Gideon: You appeared, showed me beautiful things, made me feel comfortable by your side, made me feel wanted and special, showed me that you could be the one for me, but, just then, you disappeared. I never saw the sparkle in your eyes again, nor heard the melody of your voice.

You left me only with my “visions”, the memories, the only thing I have of us. The moments you gave me, those in which you made me believe you felt something for me. Like a celestial being, you left, never to return, and I was left alone with my “visions”.

Translated by Maria Pires